Mum & Dad in Malawi

For a few weeks after Loz left I really struggled. I was really missing her company!! Then before I realised, it was time to start planning for the arrival of Mum & Dad.

The 24 hours before they arrived proved rather interesting. Just when you’d love to be getting everything organized for your parents first trip to Africa I managed to deal with all sorts of strange disasters! Just after I spoke with them for the last time before they boarded the plane we heard news that Marys house was on fire with her two young boys at home. Work shut down as we all piled into cars with every fire extinguisher we could find and sped to her house which could be seen beneath the stream of smoke quickly rising in the sky. In the space of about 15 minutes all of her belongings were thrown out onto the lawn by the multitudes of people who had gathered to help. I’d like to see anyone in Australia able to remove all of their wordly possessions with such speed and community support. Just wouldn’t happen. It was quiet scary and all a bit of a blur. After not being able to work the fire extinguishers at first, the boys were all rather excited when they got them working and covered the house in clouds of billowing white powder. There was no real order or planning in what happened, not that time really allowed for that, but certainly obvious that Malawi primary schools do not teach “stop, drop and roll” or “get down low and go go go…” people were running into the house full of smoke and white powder without covering their mouths and not a lot of safety was going on…. But the house would have burnt down with any other approach.

I was busy gathering the few photos and pictures from the wall trying to make sure that her few treasured possessions could be protected. At one point I found her crying at the sight of what was happening, only to discover she cared very little at that point about the house, but hadn’t yet located her eldest son Innocent. So we searched for him, which thankfully ended in a good outcome.

After the fire was out we heard the fire truck arrive. To our surprise they did actually have water and hoses, but couldn’t fit the truck through the gate. Zita chitimba! We were all rather thankfull we hadn’t relied upon them! Assessing the damage was not fun. We saved the roof only by a few minutes, any longer and the house would have been gone. she did loose a lot of the roof frame and all of the electrics and water pipes in the house which boiled to melting point. Terrible terrible loss for mary who has already struggled so much.

It was a long evening of cleaning out as much of the debri as we could to load try and load her possessions back inside the house to be locked away overnight. It was very late before we finished for the night. Titi and Victor escorted me into town to feed the gaurds and the dogs as I was house sitting for Kathy and Steve who were away on holidays in South Africa.

The next day wasn’t any less disasterous. Along with much cleaning at Marys, discovering the damage was much worse than we had first imagined, I also discovered that the guard at the place I was house sitting had his finger bitten right off by one of the dogs and then I managed to loose the front door key to my house, and in trying to find a spare key I managed to break the lock on my back door effectively locking me out of my house the day mum & dad were to arrive. Wouldn’t that have been just great…welcome to Malawi mum & dad! Oh dear. But all was well… sorted out the problem with the usual speed and organization that occurs in Malawi. Hehe. With only a few minutes to spare I arrived at the airport just in time to see the plane landing. I was so excited I thought I was going to pass out!!

It really was a feeling that I just can’t describe. Not having seen them in a year, and now showing them Malawi! Just awesome!! It was so much fun watching them marvel at the scenary, the little stalls on the side of the road, the people, the villages, the cattle stopping traffic on the main road. I’d like to see that on Bourke st! I was soooo excited!

Then we arrived in the village, and my home. Within no time at all, little faces arrived at the house to come and meet my parents. They were all a little shy, but that didn’t last for to long. Nothing thrilled me more than mum declaring she could see why I loved it so much. And only within an hour of being home, she got it, they both did. And THAT means more to me than anything! Mum commented “I don’t know how you’ll manage at home in Australia without this same community, without these kids” I loved it that they could see so easily and quickly why I love Malawi so much! That will remain the most important part of their time here for me. just to see and to understand. Its just so hard to communicate what its like to people at home. So having people I love seeing it first hand! Nothing beats that!

The first day was spent mostly in time zone adjusting for mum & dad, interdispersed with meeting all sorts of people in the village and at the medical centre. All of the staff rather amusingly bombarded my parents with cheeky apologies about the fact that I was going to stay here forever, and they hoped they didn’t mind. Although semi awkward knowing that I have a big decision to make very soon about how long I will stay, and not liking the day I have to say goodbye, it was also massively encouraging for both myself and my parents at how much I am loved and supported, One of the guys commenting “She’s family to us”.

Our first big adventure started out nice and early Tuesday morning for home visits.
Most of our home visits where to check on children who hadn’t attended for some time, it was never to difficult to work out why they didn’t attend, the distance it took for us to travel by car was complicated and labourious enough… but to walk that same distance in the hot sun while carrying your disabled child would certainly be another challenge all together.

The first visit was not as we expected. The child had died only a few days earlier, therefore our visit become the cultural pepani (“sorry”) visit instead. This was not an easy thing to subject mum & dad to so early in our day.

The young boy was burnt in a fire some months earlier when he had a seizure and fell into the hot coals. This is something I have seen all to often. We had been tracking his progress which was long and complicated, but he survived the 2 months in hospital which was a miracle in itself, only to arrive home and develop an unexpected infection, dying only a few days later. His family were distraught.

We sat in silence while the husband answered questions about how it happened. This is very cultural to hear the stories. the wife sat weeping with her face buried in a chitenji. I often feel uncomfortable being here in this moment. As if I am intruding upon someones private grief. The natural instint is to want to say something or do something. But that’s not required. You don’t have to say anything. Just your silent, somber presence is appreciated. I guess not all that dissimilar to grieving in our own culture. Someone then prays for the family and we leave.

It is never without awe that I leave a village. Nothing will ever affect you as much as seeing how everyone lives. It doesn’t even compare to anything we know in any way.
There are children who have never, and probably never will ever wear shoes in their life. some people will never see what town looks like. Its so hard not to look at a home and not try and imagine what it would be like for that to be your home. That that is all you have ever known. It is impossible not to be stirred. Challenged. The western world hears poverty defined by how much a person earns or lives on in a day. countries being defined by ultra poor when they are living off less than $1 a day. but this is something different all together. Sometimes there is not even money involved. Many FAMILIES of large numbers live off less than 50c a day. or nothing at all. forced to just live off the land or their communities.

It was awesome seeing mum & dad both standing in the village there with me. I have photos of them with all the people next to the hut, photos o mum surrounded with women and children straining and giggling and pointing at themselves on the miniature camera screen. It was a great moment. mum and dad seeing what I do, and where I am.

It is an amazing experience to visit the real villages, to be welcomed so warmly by the community and the family of the child we have come to see. That’s something that tourists would never ever have the chance to see or experience. But it’s the real Malawi. It’s a priveledge to be there. you cant leave the same.

That evening, although exhausted and dirty, we went out for dinner with Dawn and her parents who were passing through Lilongwe. It was pretty special for Dawn and I, who have become such great friends, to be able to sit and share a meal together (a feast actually!!) with both of our parents here in Malawi. Surreal but nice. (!!)

Although we stayed in some beautiful places, and saw some amazing sights. The highlights would always be the village visit, the market shopping, the playing with kids, the friendships with locals. You cant leave the same from these moments.

On the Wednesday I started my holidays… wohoo… we spent the morning in the markets which was hysterical. Sorry dad… but mum coped so much better than you did!! Lots of laughs and very fun! We left late, as became a usual habit for us! We had disasters on the journey about an hour out from our destination just as the sun went down, realizing our headlights weren’t working. So I had to drive a bumpy terrible road in the middle of African countryside with only fog lights. Nothing like keeping your parents safe in the first few days of their trip to Africa. Good one tj. We arrived eventually and enjoyed a few relaxing days byt the lakeshore. eating yummy food, sitting on balonies, playing bau, took a boat ride to snorkel with the beautiful fish, and feed the magnificent fish eagles.

We left cape maclear for our onward journey to liwonde national park and stoped at markets along the way, which became a bit of a habit for us in our travells. I pulled my hair out a little watching mum & dads still early developing bargaining skills.

Summary so far – Mum & Dad are loving Malawi! Wohoo!!!