"welcome home"

Malawi. Wow. Amazing.

It seems so normal to be here, sometimes like I never left.
My journey here was LONG, I had an awesome awesome stopover in Perth hanging out with the fabulous Dawn, she could not have been a better person to help send me on my way!! I met fun people at airports and on flights, I managed to lose a block of chocolate (devastating), dropped money in the J’burg airport toilet, and nearly got on the wrong plane (but that was along with about 100 other people) the bus drove us across the tarmac to the flight to Zambia, the mistake was discovered about half way through boarding. Hysterical. Ahhh Africa.
The whole flight to Lilongwe was great Chichewa practice, I quickly discovered that my ability to understand was still pretty intact, but my talking needed some major practice, which caused great amusement for everyone sitting around me. Oh I miss Malawians and their joy!! There is no doubt Malawi lives up to its aptly named “Warm heart of Africa!”. Flying into Lilongwe has scored a place on my life’s favorite moments list. Indescribable emotions.
When I arrived at the airport we were stuck standing next to the plane for about half an hour waiting for the president to get off his Kenyan flight. There was a giant red carpet, a fantastic band, flags, TV Malawi, crowds of people, a convoy of shiny black four wheel drives and hundreds of soldiers lining the procession of people and carpet. So I managed to score a pretty sensational welcome at the same time!!! It nearly matched Wekhas enthusiasm at the gate when I arrived, so so fabulous to see her again!

I don’t even think my feet have hit the ground yet. So much to see, experience, remember and feel. Im overwhelmed, excited, blessed, exhausted, challenged, and……just where I want to be.

So here’s a summary of first impression so far…

Things that have changed:
· There are heaps more robots in town (traffic lights) When I first moved to Malawi I think there were about 2 sets, now they are everywhere!!!
· Hundreds more cars, but no new roads… traffic jams “kwambili”
· Brand new (very fancy) Parliament house. They used to meet in the presidents house, but the Chinese have built a new one…. A bit over the top if you ask me….
· You can recharge your phone units with $10 at a time now! Amazing! sure beats topping up $1 at a time!!
· There are new shops everywhere, and many many building renovations are happening
· The roundabout in old town has a lovely fountain in it… pretty funny for a town whose water is frequently out!
· The roads have improved sooo much! There are fewer potholes, or atleast their depth and width have reduced, and there are “sections” of dual lane roads all over the place. I am a bit confused about the changes, there are three lanes leading up to the roundabouts for about 10 metres before and after, but then back to single lane… weird!
· There are wireless Internet hotspots everywhere. Not that it works all that often.
· Brand new mobile phone network called zain, so all of the buildings in town sponsored by celltell have gone from being painted red and yellow to pink & purple. Very beautiful. Ah multinational corporations.
· Petrol is over $2 a litre, there are many more petrol stations, and even some out of the major towns.
· They don’t routinely fit four people across in the minibus anymore, and if the conductor insists, you can fight him and only pay half for your seat.
· Cheese is nearly $10 for a tiny block and butter is about $6 a block….but you can still get “out of the fridge margarine” for dirt cheap… and questionable taste…. You can buy all sorts of fun things at the supermarket now, the range of products available has definately increased… you can get cous cous, pantene shampoo, new underwear…You can now buy nearly everything in malawi…at a cost…although they still don’t sell tampons.
· There are pedestrian crossings… but it’s hit and miss if people will actually stop for you.
· Everything is wwaaayy more expensive

Things still the same:
· Malawi is without question the warm heart of Africa, just as any community there are always a few odd exceptions, but the generosity, joy and welcoming community is good to be amongst.
· Its still easier and cheaper to buy soft drink and beer than safe drinking water.
· Bucket showers & handwashing clothes are the order of the day
· I still stand out in a crowd. It is impossible to blend in. South African accents still make me giggle, I can still catch a mozzie, and tell the difference between rat poo and gekho poo. And I havn’t lost the ability to carry water on my head.
· Most business, if not all, are owned by Indians
· Women often wear formal dresses around town. Taffeta and silk are in.
· Short ties, suits that are slightly to big and shiny pointy dress shoes are in for men
· Twice in one day my minibus broke down, the door fell off once and the back window smashed as they were jump starting backwards down the road.
· Its not at all uncommon to find rocks in the rice and the bread.
· There are avocadoes as big as my head. No joke. They are astounding.

· I will not eat rats on a stick
· Painting half of the tree trunk with white paint is cool
· Corruption and dishonest communication are still crippling many programs
· Way to many coffin making shops. The demand for business is horrifically high
· Despite many many visible changes the standard of living, immense poverty and injustice that leaves children dying of preventable illnesses and young people living only until their late 30s causes me great shame when I think about how we live in Australia. Once again I am challenged immeasurably.

The best things
· Without question, it has been seeing dear friends again. I had a little fear that maybe people would have moved on, or forgotten me, or wouldn’t have missed me as much as I missed them, but the highlight of being here has been the reunions of friendships that I totally underestimated how special they were. The staff at the village knew I was coming at some stage, but didn’t really know when, so it was a rather fun surprise to walk into my old workplace and to the village. Fun times.
· Seeing the many grown up kids in the village. So far I have only been visiting, so I can’t wait until I live there next week to hang out like we used to. They have grown up so much, and so many of them have become amazing young people. Many cool stories and photos to come. I feel like a proud mama.
· To me, a place becomes home when you can walk into your favorite café and they know what you usually order… even after 2 years… Dianna & Ellen at the bohemian café are still working there, and possibly my favorite moment so far was the rib-crushing hugs I got from them both and the screams of delight when I walked in for the first time. Dianna was so proud of herself bringing me the same meal I ordered every Saturday after my market shopping for two years. I was so happy I cried.
· 2 weeks and no sickness. But then again I do have well refined guts of steal.
· Random people I have never met asking me “How is Australia”
· I looove the pace of life. It is taking more time than I thought to beat the fast pace life out of me, Or to shelve the expectations and just BE. I guess I should be thankful that it’s quicker than when I lived here, back then these lessons took 6 months, but now I don’t have that much time, so ironically… I need to hurry up to loose the western culture, so I can enjoy the slowness.
· I have been writing, pondering life and dreaming more in this past week than in the past 2 years. I love love love it!

The worst things:
· Deaths. There have been toooo many. It sucks. I’m hurting. And it is exceptionally hard to grieve here. Which is a lesson I know all to well. One very special friend died a few months before I arrived, Agogo’s life impacted me massively. She was one of the people I was most excited about seeing. I am devastated, I didn’t know she had passed away and it hurts. Deeply.
· I wish someone was here with me to do this adventure…there is so much I want to talk about and chat about. The amount of reflection & processing that is going on in my head is sure to send me crazy if I don’t start talking it out. Being here again is raising so many unfinished thoughts and feelings. Maybe that’s a part of the reason I needed to come back.
· It is different not having a specific role here this time around. I’m finding I have to re-learn some of the same lessons as last time, to prioritise people not tasks, throw my expectations of myself out the window and just authentically do life with people.

The funniest things:
· The common wedding decorations are still pink and blue toilet paper, I must remember to ensure that on my wedding day the rings are delivered on a metal plate on top of scrunched up colored toilet paper piles. Beautiful. Hehe.
· Robots are highly confusing in malawi. I was initially baffled by the orange and green light on at the same time, but I thought this possibly meant, go, but do so slowly… a sentiment not shared by any cars on the road… but when I saw the red and green light on simultaneously?? What the heck does that mean? No one else knew either
· Lady having the baby on the mini bus. She was much more calm than me.
· Loving pulling out my Chichewa skills at opportune times, like when they are all discussing how much extra they’ll charge me thinking I don’t understand… a little Chichewa can go a looong way!
Things I am learning:
· PERSPECTIVE!!!
· I need to be a more honest communicator and less of a people pleaser
· Maybe I should have only come for a few weeks….any longer and I’m going to keep on falling in love with everything again…. Maybe I never stopped… but there is very little in Australia that reminds you of life in malawi… and so being here is bringing up a lot of feelings… it will be hard to leave again.
· Without faith - something bigger than ourselves to believe in, life is a different colour, a little bit emptier and without the same inspiration.
· I am at a major cross roads in my life. I quit my job and I’m back in Malawi, the plans beyond this are pretty unclear. Ahhhhh… there is a lot to decide. Any bright ideas. Let me know.
· I definitely made the right decision to return to Malawi for this visit, absolutely stoked about the next few months!!!

some pics

city road side country roadside

I missed the guy on the bike... thats one heavy load for a pushy!

pretty bus deco's

dehradun

the flower i was given on the train.... step up metro!

crowded roads....

Um..... so where does the water go?

A couple of things I've learnt so far....

Well if my first day of India observations is anything to go by, this trip will be beyond every expectation that i could have... I LOVE IT!!!!

Things i have learnt:
· Under 5 mortality rate 87/1000 ... WAY TO HIGH!!!
· Sati – widows are sometimes burnt alive on the same fire as their husbands. legislation against these practices are in place, but it still happens. It is considered a curse for women to be widowed. There are some towns and villages only for widows as they are shunned by their family.
· Eating with your right hand is no problem, but the remembering to not also use your left takes a bit of practice. I’m sure I’ll need to sit on that left hand for a few more days until i’ve mastered it.
· I am yet to ask the question if Indian food in India is still called Indian food..or just food... either way...tastes sensational!!!!
The non-verbal yes and no in communication over here is constantly confusing me, because there is an extra one with head moving from side to side... neither a yes or a no specifically.... but sometimes it is.... one of them... but im never really sure which one.... it also means ok... or not ok... confusing... YES! i still have more practice on this one. I think it means OK the majority of the time. or yes i am understanding you, but i might say no afterwards. or yes i am hearing you, but not really understanding you. hmmm. and then actually perfecting this head movement... another task altogether... but one which might quickly become habit myself. ah talking about habit, the number of times i have accidently spoken to people in Chichewa is hilarious. different language TJ... different language.
· 3% of Indians are Christians which is slightly more than Aussies who go to church on a Sunday. There are anti-conversion laws in place, if you change your religion from what you were born into, you must report this to the police. There can be consequences.
· There are many differences that i have never seen before. I love different.
· Alot of life happens on the roof tops – flying kites, bathing, washing clothes, soccer, cricket, hackey sac.
· I’ve seen nearly 30 people squatting and the sun is only just coming up... carefully avoiding where they have been squatting is most certainly to be advised.
· Housing is square, like lego blocks everywhere, in different shades of white, cream light grey and the occasional pink, lime green and pale blue. And like patchwork they are all drawn together by the same dust that covers them all and the ground that is much lighter in colour than i expected., its a very white/cream soil. These colours by the way are the perfect reflective device for the orangey pink sun as it rises, just stunning!!!
· There is more dust than usual in Dehli at the moment as construction and roads covers the city in preparation for the commonwealth games next year.
· The trains go mighty fast – and i have decided i would never live next to a train line. More than 80% of the time the horn blasts very loudly.
· Note to self – do not walk along the train track – all of the 'toilets' on the train are open holes directly to the tracks. Probably not wise to drop anything or fall in yourself. Bad news.
· Everything is very geometric. Not round houses like Africa, with smooth edges and rounded corners. Instead they are sharp square edges, all shapes and sizes. But always square blocks.
· I can see children in the sugar cane fields, and brick piles and working on the roads... all of whom look like they should be at school.

· The whole day has orangey sunset light that we have on really hot and smokey days. Like a sepia tone photo... is that the name?? Not black and white, but the old fashioned looking one. Like that... but then as if someone has that special feature like some digital cameras have where there’s a bright red rose in amongst everything the same colour... the clothes are like that in the midst of everything else looking amazingly similar.
· Being cold, homeless and hungry in a cold climate has got to have more challenges than a hot climate.
· Lack of occupational health and safety in the workplace (e.g scaffolding of buildings) is not just isolated to Africa
· Watch where you walk
· I haven’t seen cricket on the beach, but plenty in the dust.
· You have to dodge people spitting - although i have to do that at work as well, so not so bad.
· I really really want my own auto taxi, all time best way to get around town!!! vroom..

These are just the day 1 surface observations... so much more to discover I’m certain!

Aeroplane Adventures

I very nearly missed my flight out of KL as I sat and listened to the boarding call, forgetting i still had to catch the train to the international departures building.. ahhh... nothing like a little added adventure.
As is fast becoming a pattern for me, my journey to Dehli was shared with a fabulous lady. Shupra grew up in Dehli, 65 years old, has a husband and two children. Our meeting began as she held my hand and ice on my forehead as we took off after i started bleeding profusely from my nose. She was so immensely caring of a stranger. Quality i aspire to. We were seated in the first row behind business class (tried my very best to score a seat, but failed) we had a lovely wall to rest our feet up against, so with shoes off and a steady supply of beverages ( i got star treatment from all the cabin crew after the nose bleed incident) we reclined in our chairs and sat chatting and laughing like two old friends for the entire 5 hour journey.
Shupra invited me to be her guest in Dehli to shop and cook together before flying home. We shared our stories, she taught me some hindi, gave me loads of history, marvellous orientation on key cultural do’s and don’ts, she quizzed me as to why i wasn’t married and openly challenged some of my thoughts as she shared all about her arranged marriage of 42 years and how fantastic her husband was - who was frequently giggling at us from across the plane as he heard what we spoke about. We talked so incredibly openly. I loved it!! Aeroplanes really are the place to meet some amazing people. I still remember the man who cried with me all the way home from PNG as he left the country he had loved for 50 years, and the Lady who cared for me and spoke immense wisdom and love into my life as i flew to Malawi. And this is already my second non-coincidental meeting on a plane this journey. Meeting new people is high on my list of fun. But not just anyone.... Surface chit-chat sucks the life out of me compared to good quality authentic chats with people who are not afraid to go deeper and be real. Love it. Love it.
We approached Dehli about 2 minutes ahead of schedule and just as we began to land suddenly started climbing again, only to discover that the next 30 minutes required circling of the city to wait for the 12 planes ahead of us in the schedule of landing. So i have seen dehli from the sky at almost every angle. Rather spectacular orange glow as all the lights were trapped under a blanket of cold air and mist that traps all of the pollution. Amazing to think that the whole 20 million living in Australia are crammed into this one city. Thats population density on a whole other scale.
Walking out into the arrivals lounge was hysterical. I think i expected chaos, but instead the walkway was lined with hundreds of men holding placards, in absolute silence just staring at me. How hysterical. I might well have been able to find myself any number of husbands if not for shupras wise words about eye contact and smiles... extreme flirtation apparently.... and if you combine both at once along with a conversation in some communities you’ve pretty much indicated marriage. rather like smiling at people, so this could take a bit of practice. Wow. If only it were that easy at home.
5 hours sleep in 48 hours. I’m a little weary.

Back again...

So there's a car park at work which requires a waiting list before you are granted a swiper access card thingy, After about 9 months of working at the Austin, i was given the ok! Frankly, i was disappointed. How crazy that the staff car park only had about 50 spaces. It seemed strange. For months i would drive in and park somewhere along the U shaped carpark. I always thought it was a weirdly designed car park, there was a ramp that drove down the middle of the u shape, which appeared to have a couple of spaces down there, but nothing special. Out of pure habit, i always parked in the same spot. Largely due to my own conditioning response after years of loosing my car in carparks. I even stupidly left the carpark on occasions when i thought it was full. So imagine my surprise one rainy day when i finally ventured down the ramp... would you believe the car park goes underground for 7 whole levels... rows and rows... hundreds and hundreds... i was stunned. How hysterical. It did always puzzle me where all the people came from, everything now made sense. For months i would park down on the bottom level, just because i could, giggling at my own stupidity for weeks afterwards!!

If you don’t adventure outside of what has become habit, or you don’t explore beyond what you can see at face value, you miss out on ohhh so much! Yeah you take a risk at missing out on one of the car parks that are spare up above, but imagine if you’d never have looked. All those carparks waiting to be explored. Soo much to miss out on. Road less travelled my friend. (ok flaws in my analogy, cos clearly its my own flakey stupidity that missed what was glaringly obvious to everyone else...but still... the analogy sticks for me!)... sometimes out of your comfort zone isn’t just something scary or crazy, maybe its just that which you miss because you are so stuck in routine, or things you procrastinate. Everyone always has something they wish they could explore more in their life, maybe there’s a whole stack more than 7 layers of boring car parks.

The past two years i have lived a busy, fun, messy and transient life, but its served a purpose, and im excited by the next chapter. I know who I am, what im passionate about and trying my best to put that into action. I have lived in 12 houses, done a bit of travel, bought a house, finished my MPH and turned 30.

Today I am in Dehli. Tommorow I’ll catch the train up north for 6 hours to Dehradun and then find my way out another hour or so to the Herbertpur Christian Hospital. This next 6 weeks is an opportunity that i couldn’t have thought possible even a year ago. Its like my worlds have all combined and I have the opportunity to learn from, and share, with communities about disability and awareness in their current development programs. I have learnt that i love to reflect & process my experience by writing, so here it is.

A Story of Sustainable Service Development in Malawi

One of the many challenging aspects of coming home to australia is where to begin with describing your experience.... How can you possibly capture the thousands of moments across 18months all in response to "how was your trip?".... it can be so hard to summarise, especially explaining what i actually did at work!!

So for those of you interested in more details of my project in Malawi, you might catch a glimpse by reading this document which i have recently written for a presentation proposal to the annual Speech Pathology Australia conference - Aspire 2009. While it is a bit formal and may be full of speechie jargon, it may be of interest!


A Story of Sustainable Service Development in Malawi

Abstract

As a Speech Pathologist with 5 years experience across a variety of clinical sectors, I aspired to expand my horizons and accepted a position in Malawi, Africa. This undertaking greatly challenged my worldview of our profession. I worked for Australian Volunteers International (AVI) for an 18month contract in a community rehabilitation program in Malawi. The role required the development of Malawi’s first Speech Pathology service. This unique position provided first hand experience of health care delivery in resource poor settings and developing countries.

This presentation will address the global health issues encountered in developing countries in particular those faced by the disabled population in Africa. The Malawi project will be the context through which I address processes, innovations and global challenges. Issues of service development, sustainability and advocacy will be highlighted.

The reflections and outcomes shared will inform and challenge Speech Pathologists to increase their understanding of global issues facing our profession.

Introduction

Individuals within many developing countries struggle with access to food, clean water, shelter and security from conflict. These and many other issues contribute to the high death and disability rates, with ongoing struggle for access to the most basic health care services. Most developing countries are challenged by an acute shortage of skilled professionals to staff the health services.

Located in sub-Saharan Africa, Malawi is one of the world’s most densely populated and least developed countries with a population of 13.9million. There are no qualified or practicing Speech Pathologists. Malawi has a relatively young population with 50% under the age of 15years and a total life expectancy of 39 years. Over 65% of the population are living in poverty, on less the 50c per day. (WHO, 2004) Malawi, as with many other African nations has health indicators amongst the worst in the world.

Even without a disability, living conditions are extremely difficult in so many developing countries, while children with disabilities are often neglected, stigmatised or even left to die. The rates of disability are very high due to limited access to the most basic health care and education resulting in high numbers of mortality and disability from preventable illness. Poverty is commonly described as more than simply a lack of money, but more specifically a lack of opportunity.

This presentation will outline the clinical aspects of the service developed in Malawi and aims to inform, and hopefully inspire the audience to consider global issues facing our profession.


The Malawi Project

Aim
To develop a sustainable speech pathology service in Malawi for the assessment and management of children and adults presenting with speech, swallowing, hearing, and learning disabilities. This was achieved by raising the capacity of local rehabilitation staff in the Lilongwe and Blantyre Medical centres in Malawi.

The setting
SOS children’s village is a non-government not for profit organisation that provides services for orphaned and abandoned children and their communities. Each village includes an orphanage, a variety of schools, social and community services, medical centre and children’s rehabilitation program providing a variety of services for children with disabilities. Over 1,000 children are referred each year. After a basic assessment conducted by a member of the multidisciplinary team the children attend weekly groups targeting various therapy goals. Historically physical rehabilitation, activities of daily living and education have been the primary focus. Over the past years the staff have identified a growing need for communication services and without access in Malawi, they advertised for international assistance.

The Program (Results):

Observation Phase
The initial months of the project were spent observing the existing rehabilitation program and collecting data on clients requiring speech pathology assessment and intervention. Prior to arrival the staff had compiled a list of 30 children from the current caseload attending the children’s rehabilitation program - an average of 500 children per week. In the initial 2 months of screening, 200 were identified for the program with a vast mix of clinical presentations. Basic information was captured in a database and then analysed to identify common disabilities and patterns emerging for therapy goals. It was at this time that 2 primary clinicians were identified for the ongoing management of the program and training commenced.

Development Phase
Group therapy was the only alternative given the magnitude of children requiring assistance and the high number of new referrals each day. The Groups included:
Socialisation
Speech Sounds (Articulation & Phonology)
Early Language
AAC
Hearing Impaired
Oral Motor and
Eating & Drinking

The program continued to grow with the caseload rising to over 300 as further screening and assessment was conducted. News of the services spread fast and further changes were made, services for adults were developed, a hearing-screening clinic was established and home visit programs commenced.

Education & Training
· The 18 months were spent intensively training, mentoring, supervising and encouraging the 2 primary clinicians who would continue the management of the program along with the other program staff.
· Ongoing education was provided via in-services within the multidsicplinary team, lectures at the nursing and rehabilitation assistant colleges, workshops for families, villages, community and traditional leaders. Additionally low cost, culturally appropriate training methods were developed with accompanying resources.
· The education needs of the staff will be ongoing, while I am continuing my support from Australia, ideally these staff and many in the future require a long term solution to the development of the profession.

Resource Development
· Culturally appropriate screening & assessment tools were modified, developed and translated. Each group has a resource kit available including session outlines, recommended games and activities, and reading materials for ongoing professional development. Home visit and rural outreach clinic assessment kits were also created for both communication and swallowing assessments.
· From pens to therapy resources everything needed to be sourced, fundraised for, or hand-made using creative and cost effective methods.

Barriers and challenges to sustainability
· Limited access to education, opportunities and sustainable economic and health resources
· Extreme poverty and high burden of disability and disease
· Cultural & social perspectives of disability and health care seeking behaviours
· Language, literacy and traditional beliefs.

Future Directions & Considerations:
The development of any new service is often complicated and not without its own unique challenges. When considering the global impact of our profession, it is imperative to address the needs of the community and the resources available to them.

How then do we use our common knowledge, beliefs and scope of practice in countries where 60% of children are malnourished? Do they really need speech therapy or do they need food, safe water and medicine to prevent the disabilities in the first place? What are the priorities?

At a time when our governments are setting international targets in millennium development goals to reduce poverty, mortality rates and increase education, what is our role when we have the knowledge and skills, and there are people in great need of it? This project left many questions unanswered regarding sustainability and development priorities, however it did confirm the need for:
· Sharing skills and resources
· Advocating and networking
· Providing education and awareness
· Considering our role in community participation and prevention.

Aspirations change people, Is it possible they could change our profession?

Time to write again

I simply can't begin to explain just how hard it is to start writing again. Its not that i havn't tried... infact many many times, it has just been to difficult. to emotional. The adjustment to life back in Australia has been massive for me, and is still very raw. I have now been home from malawi for an astounding 6 months and to start writing about this journey is a big step. a monumental one..... and very hard to explain. In malawi i wrote almost everyday and occasionally i posted my thoughts on this blog, but as you can see the last time i did that was from London airport before heading back to melbourne. So here is a new chapter. And to be perfectly honest, it has only been in this last rather challenging month that i've started to really honestly process the impact of my time away and integrate my worlds. Probably for me more than anyone else I want to open that malawi box and share the untold stories from then and now. boxes that are closed and nicely wrapped may look nice and pretty, but thats not how they are meant to stay. bottles with lids on them may be safe and protected but then you can't enjoy whats inside. weird maybe, but makes sense to me.

What a contrast....

Church in Malawi...

Church in Malawi - under a tree

Church in London - Westminster

Church in London - St. Pauls

House in Malawi...

House in London - Buckingham Palace

Bridge in Malawi....

London Bridge...

Oh so different!!!!

Safely arrived in the UK

....and I AM COLD!!!!!!

also can't afford to write anything more than that just now as the internet costs a fortune!!!

Last Week in Malawi

14th February, 2008

I sit just now on my verandah as the sun goes down on another fabulous warm Malawi evening. It’s the third night in a row without storm clouds which have been looming around every corner these past weeks in one of the wettest wet seasons for many many years. The stars are out tonight and im smiling at the amazing place that I am. I have enjoyed many moments such as this in the past 18 months. Smiling at where I am, what im seeing, experiencing and learning. Nothing beats moments when you breath in everything around you in amazement and just love life. I am nothing short of incredibly grateful, blessed and inspired. I’m reflecting on the farewell speeches made at work today when my friend Wesley declared coming to Malawi was “surely the best decision I have made in my life.” and I don’t think he’s far wrong. I’m not at all apologetic at my melancholic reflections this evening, as its far better than the teariness of the past few days. im incredibly emotion filled at present, but im quiet ok with that. I have given everything I had, and more, to my time in Malawi, so its only natural to be feeling a deep sense of loss.

Right now, my feet are dirty and aching from hours of dancing at the village fathers farewell this evening, and It will be biscuits for dinner and another bucket shower. In addition to the usual absence of hot water since late November, tonight there is no running cold water OR electricity. BUT…. I have chocolate (thankyou Laura!!!)

I have loads to update from the past 4-5 months, but I just don’t know where to start, and im sure the internet will not allow the uploading of what has become a thesis of updates waiting to be sent…. Besides, before long I can sit and chat for hours in person. What a bizarre concept.

As you will see, I have gone a little crazy on the photo collages and will soon be sending these out on email so you can see them better!

In just over a weeks time I will leave Malawi to spend a week in London before arriving home to Australia on Saturday March the 1st at 9:35pm.

To best describe how I am feeling is an impossible task right now. I am grieving for what has been the most amazing experience of my life, It hurts to say goodbye to people that have become my family, and communities that have become my home. It is heartbreaking to see the door closing on this chapter of the adventure which has meant everything to me this past 18months. However, I am also joyful, and grateful, and excited and anxious, and hopeful. These are a lot of emotions to manage all at once amongst many many practical tasks. Hmmm. I think its going to be a big week.

oh do i have stories to share!!!!

i simply can't beleive how long it has been since i have sent updates, and these past months have been my most eventful yet.... and i suspect there is much more to come in my short time remaining!!!!

I have thousands of updates sitting waiting to be posted, and only those really understanding africa can comprehend why it is i havnt been able to....

today i sit in a place i wouldn't have thought possible just yesterday while a group of us experienced being trapped from crazy flooding during our AVI weekend away! we were all sure there would be headlines in aussie papers... 12 australian volunteers trapped... but of course.... in true survivor style, we rebuilt roads and pushed and towed cars and trucks and had one of the more adventurous weekends of my life!!

I can hardly begin to describe to you the experiences of my last months, weeks and days! i feel as though i am in a state of blur... with a little bit of grieving in there.... tears....many joys.... excitement....anticipation..... fear...... i feel as though i have my eyes glued open trying to see everything as abundantly as possible, trying to soak everything in, trying to remember smells (not all), trying to capture all that i love so it never leaves me. impossible to describe just now. As many of you know, and have been wondering about when, i will be back on aussie soil again in only a few weeks. The ticket has been booked! (thanks mum) and i will be back on saturday evening March 1st! not long at all....

loads of updates to come before then!