So little in common....

I am sad to say that i have very little in common with so many women here

I have the opportunity to dream, to plan, to choose what my future holds. I have an education, I have a profession, I can find employment, I can purchase property…. These are things far our of reach for most women here in malawi, especially in rural villages.
I am not forced into marriage as soon as I hit puberty, I am not treated with disgraceful disrespect and inequality. I am not a nobody without any rights. I have the opportunity to choose my husband, when and whom I like. I can selectively (!!!) choose a man with integrity, honesty, a strong faith, a great sense of humour, a man whom I admire, respect, love and hope to share a future with….imagine that…. Oh how foreign to the women here!!! I have the right, which WILL be supported by my justice system to say no to sex.
I do not have to spend my day working myself to complete exhaustion cooking for my family, my brothers and sisters family and half my village living in my house because of death and disease, hoping that my children don’t die, praying that my husband isn’t sleeping around, desperately trying to protect myself and my children from AIDS. Dreaming that somehow, someway I can provide an education for them, that they would have clothes, shelter, and food to survive… daily scrambling to escape the poverty that engulfs everything in my sight. I don’t have to fear being raped by the chief in my village, or the “fisi” once widowed, or be forced to take his brother as my husband as the culture requires.

So in comparison what do I spend my days thinking about? Worrying about? I dream of future opportunities, I plan for my future, and the possibilities really seem endless for me, I wonder if I have chosen the right job, have I chosen the right town to live in, what should I have for dinner tonight… imagine that… not only is there food to actually eat, but I have a choice!!! I wonder… should I play netball once or twice a week for my leisure, I can choose to have holidays, go on summer camps, be a leader at church, I have time enough spare to do these things. Here I miss the chance to go out for coffee with friends! I can go shopping for fun, I have the opportunity to buy things for myself as a treat. I have hobbies and interests that are completely selfish and yet that’s so foreign here.

What do the women think about? What do they worry about? What do they dream about? What fills their minds as they fall asleep at night? What do they get excited about? What makes them angry? What makes them smile? what makes them cry?
These are questions I would love to know about so many of my new friends, but am also a bit scared to know… after some time of friendship with people, you hope that you can answer some of these questions…and maybe you can connect on something. That’s real friendship.

Wow… when I think of the comparisons to the thoughts in my head, im a little ashamed. What a contrast. the things I reflect on, analyse, dream about, plan for, …they’re often about me and my plans… maybe that’s also a reflection of my single life at the moment. But I’m also thankful for that, it was some of these thoughts that have resulted in where I am right now. So I guess on one hand there is apology in that statement but then on the other hand no apology at all… (Ha… funny how I became instantly defensive at my own statement…hehe) you see its not foreign to me to be amongst other married women with kids…that was not unlike my life in Ballarat, but this is very different. The contrast in lifestyle is of a very different nature. I know I was meant to be here. so I know there is something great that I can bring to my friendship with these women. Its easier to see with some of my closest friends at work and the girls in the village… but what about the village women, I just don’t know. How can I sit and have a conversation with one of the rural village women about how she’s going?? My life is so astoundingly different.
Id have to be honest and say it has crossed my mind a few times as to why me? why not someone who can connect with these women better than I can, maybe someone who is married with kids, so at least there are some of those connections, but does it really matter? I’m just being honest, that it’s hard sometimes.

What it means for me, and how I choose to respond really needs some more thought…. a conversation I’d love to have over coffee with someone… but instead I’m going to leave you with my reflections, as I continue to digest mine.